When I was a teenager, loving someone felt like an abstract yet beautiful concept. At that time, I didn’t comprehend the true meaning of love, loving, and being loved. All I knew was that two individuals who cared for each other could become a couple.
Spending time together, sharing stories daily, having minor disagreements, and even significant arguments — these were the elements that enriched a romantic relationship. Young people searching for their identity might only know love because they follow their friends. Perhaps they merely want to experience having a partner like their peers, without understanding how to love someone or how they should be loved.
In our youth, some of us might have distinct criteria for a partner. Some have specific preferences, ranging from physical appearance to material wealth, a particular profession, or a unique family background. They aspire to partners like those depicted in literature, expecting life to be like a fairy tale.
Eventually, I realize that physical and material expectations are bonuses from God. The true criterion we need in a partner is someone who brings tranquility to our hearts. To me, bringing tranquility to the heart has a very broad meaning. A partner who brings tranquility is someone who can communicate effectively, resolve issues, find solutions, possesses a good character, controls their emotions and anger, and much more.
Life in this world is already filled with many things that cause anxiety, frustration, and even uncontrollable emotions. Ideally, the presence of a partner should bring a sense of peace because their presence will become one of the sanctuaries to return to.
However, it is crucial to improve oneself first. We often forget that the person who should be a sanctuary is oneself. A self that is calm and comfortable with itself. A self that has control and strong boundaries so others cannot overstep. A self that can bring happiness to itself before sharing happiness with others.
Isn’t that the essence of loving?
It is being sufficient within oneself so that conflicts in a relationship do not cause one to lose oneself.
